also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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