Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
