I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize