the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
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At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
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If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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