Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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