That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
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We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
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It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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