Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize