Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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