But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
