You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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