Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
