So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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