Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
