I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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