I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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