At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize