i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
