Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
