just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I wish you could order shots online.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
