And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize