Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
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He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
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I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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