i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
