dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
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He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
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Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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