Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
