There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
