That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
