Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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