im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
