you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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