We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Ladies don't puke and tell
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
