Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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