So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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