i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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