Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
