Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
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sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
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I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?