You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
When did angry sex become our thing?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock