So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Holy sore nipples Batman
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.