the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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