3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Church boner. Awkwardddd
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.