he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?