Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.