He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink