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Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
barbara walters just said penis...
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
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