His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i barfeds in our rink
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
