not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
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We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
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In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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