I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize