sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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