you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
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i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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