My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus