Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
It's never too late to be topless.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?