its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have