mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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