I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
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Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
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Can you bring me the toilet please
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
BRING THE BAGELS
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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