On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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