I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
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Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
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Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.