I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting