apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Farmville is her only friend.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?