Well apparently he's into motor boating.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Someone shit on the floor
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species