were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I am available for nakedness
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize