Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.