i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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