Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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