Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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