Ambien. No doubt about it.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
