I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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